Well i knoq that two blogs in one day officially qualifies me as a looser but i dont know i got some stuff going on in my head that i have to let out somewhere. My question is Love. What is it? can it be messured.....can it be distroyed....is it a matter of the heart or mind.....can it even me defined? You know sometimes my heart is so full that i cannot even describe how i feel, sometimes its all i can think about, its all i want to think about, its all that really matters. Then i have my moments, when i do things that wreck it. Which makes no sense to me, i have so many people in my life who love me and care about me yet i always seem to make the mistake of messing with it. Now i mean in my other blog i wrote..mistakes and troubles make you who you are, so i wouldnt trade any of this i guess....i think its more dealing with it once i have let it happen. I was thinking today about all this...all these things i have done....people i have hurt in the past.....i got really down on myself today..... i started beating myself up about all these mistakes all the problems i have caused, when one thought entered my mind. Forgiveness. Not only was i forgiven by Jesus because he died for me, but above all of that he loves me and forgives me every time i screw up. And i screw up alot. He loved me then and he loves me now the same. Its funny how i tend to take things on myself, knowing in my heart that i can possibley handle things by myself, and that i am bound to fall... i do it anyways. And sitting on my bed today thinking .....i really just discovered that love is trusting in the one who loves you and made you and who will always be there. Love is loving yourself, loving every part of you and never doubting it because God made you and he doesnt make mistakes. I found that love is seeing adn realizing that God is there with his arms wide open waiting for you to step in and let him help you. Cause in the end its not the thoughts of others, its not the marks you get, or the people you hang out with that will matter. Its living your life that God gave you..with the purpose he has set out for you. I got to thinking also that many people say...well i cant see God, how do i know he's helping me. Well i mean i breathe everyday.......and with every breath i take....i trust that there will be one to follow...i trust that there will be air there to breath ..breath after breath. I cannot see it....but i trust it.....because it keeps me alive. I cant see God......but i trust him because he gave and gives me life. God has also blessed me unbelievably in my life. I have the best family, a family who loves me...who believes in me and who i know will be there to the end. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends, I have gracie who is just....wow there isnt words..she amazing...she makes me laugh ...she crys with me...she smiles with me..she is just amazing. Remy wow remy can make me laugh no matter whats going on..but she is still there when you need her to just hug you. And larissa...well i could talk to that girl until the sun goes down and rises again she just gets me. And of course there's barrett. i told him once that there just isnt a word to describe him. He is just amazing and i dont know where i would be without him. There's my church.....wow i could not have asked for God to give me a better place to go to church....i am always surrounded by the most loving people its amazing. Then theres my town that i live in ......the house that i live in...the fact that i have food to eat every day. I mean i could go on for hours. In the end my point is....that love is trust. Trusting in God love, trusting in yourself, trusting in the things that you have been blessed with. Trusting that just like every breath is followed by another, that God is going to take care of me forever if i just let him.
-abbey